(631): Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
(239): I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
(832): New invention idea: vibrating tampons
(216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
(440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
(216): Holy shit r u serious? How?
(440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
(434): ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
(916): ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
(602): Duck Duck Cougar?
(440): It looked like if robin williams had a vagina